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Friday, January 23, 2015

The horrifying stages of having your favorite TV show spoiled

Is there ANY fate worse than having your favorite TV show RUINED by a spoiler?! We’ve all been there, and it is totally devastating.

This mortifying post brought to you by Saturday, January 24th’s ALL-NEW Henry Danger episode, “The Spoiler”! 8PM, 7c ONLY on Nickelodeon. 

Stage 1:

Everything was going so well. You had a hot piece of pizza in your hand, your best friends were over and you were all about to watch your favorite TV show. When… all of a sudden, the unthinkable happens. Your phone goes off, and you mindlessly reach for it, not knowing that your whole night is about to be SPOILED!!!

Stage 2:

You have been SPOILED! You will try and convince yourself that maybe you read the text wrong, and you don’t know. But you know. I’m sorry my friend, there’s no turning back. The spoiler is in your brain. You cannot un-know it – no matter how hard you try!

Stage 3:

Oh, the horror! How could this happen? You’re a good person! You floss, you eat your broccoli, you hold the door open for people—and someone—some monster, would actually PURPOSEFULLY ruin something so important to you?!

Stage 4:

Okay, you’re here. You’re in deal-with-it-mode. So… let it out. Scream. Scream at the top of your lungs. And then, scream some more. 

Stage 5:

It’s been an emotional two minutes of letting it out. You need to rest. Let your body fall to the floor, and stay there for a while. The floor won’t spoil your favorite TV show. The floor can’t talk. 

 Stage 6:

Your paranoia is at an all-time high. This is the stage where you trust no one. You think your grandma watched your fave show just to ruin for you. Your mailman is going to leave a revealing note in your mailbox. Your cereal is snap, crackle, popping the ending to your favorite show! This is crazy, but you’re right to be worried.

Stage 7:

It’s time for an intervention. Your friends are worried about you; you haven’t left your house in days, and have disconnected your cell phone and internet. You’ve been wearing your hands as earmuffs for so long that your elbows are cramping. You need to accept what has happened. You need to get it together.

Stage 8:

Congratulations! You’ve gotten it together. You have finally moved on, and left your house. You can’t let fear ruin your fun.  We as a society need to put our foot down and say: “DON’T SPOIL THINGS FOR ME! I WILL FIND THEM OUT WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, AND NO SOONER!” And until the day when people stop spoiling things, we need to, as a society, put our fingers in our ears and yell “FALALALALALA!” as one. 

Henry Danger, “Spoiler Alert”, this Saturday, January 24th at 8PM (7c), ONLY on Nickelodeon! It’s a great episode and I’m not giving anything away!